I still cannot answer this question, can you? I spend a lot of time thinking about it, and probably always have. What will I do next? Why can’t I settle on just one idea? Why won’t I just pick something and strive forward with it? Pick something, pick something, pick something… but I just don’t. I spend more time thinking about my choices, wondering what it is I want to do.
I really don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, and I think that’s part of the reason I continue to bumble along day after day, not making a decision, choosing to stay with the current situation until something booms at out me from the shadows as the oh-so-obvious choice. But then the question needs to be asked – will there ever be an obvious choice? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t seem to have ever been able to pick and commit to one true calling. As it stands my life has been about falling into things, and there I am, for now, until I do something else. I have always felt a sense of hopelessness towards myself for this direction-less stance I hold on life – other people know what they want to do, why don’t I? (often followed up by my mind screaming just bloody well PICK something!) Well what if it’s not that simple, and this lack of clear choice is just what I am bound to be in this life? And what if it wasn’t that bad a thing?
I just found this wonderful Ted Talk that delves into exactly that, and it feels somewhat refreshing to find that I am not the only person who doesn’t pick and stick to just one thing. This is not to say I think I’m brilliant at everything I do, but I do okay at my twists and turns in life (if I allow myself to pat myself on my back just that little bit). There will be the occasional fail, but largely, if I am honest, I have been happy with the places and skills I have fallen into, and yes, just as Emilie Wapnick says, I do get bored with things and I do move on to the next thing, and maybe that is not something I should give myself a hard time about, maybe that’s just who I am, and maybe that’s ok.
This is such a refreshing take, that you should pursue something just because it interests you, and that in the long term that can only add to your skill set. Looking back on my life so far almost everything I have done has become interconnected and led to the next stage, or even the stage after that, and maybe that’s just the way I am.. and more importantly, maybe that’s ok. The flip side to the coin is that I know people who have committed to one true calling only to find 20 years into it that it no longer fits, and this is where they change their life completely and do something that has nothing whatsoever to do with this past life. The more I think about it the more unnatural it seems to choose just one thing and stick with it – wouldn’t you get bored? Surely as you change in life so do your preferences and interests?
So I’m going to stop beating myself around about my lack of “true direction” – I think I’ll just accept that this is how I am and this is how I’ve always been. I’m going to do what Emilie Wapnick suggest, I’m going to embrace my inner wiring, after all it’s not done bad be me so far.