choose happiness

Today I am having what we call in our home a Me Party – a term inspired by a song from The Muppets,  but for all good purposes literally means a day that is spent not doing things that need to be done, but rather doing things you want to do, alone, and just for you. For me this started with a coffee and some reading time at a café, followed by a visit to a Spa to use a voucher I was given many moons ago for facial and a massage. The time spent lying there under soft light with quiet music while your skin is tingling at the softest touch is really quite a moving experience, and I will admit to bursting into tears when I left. I think that sort of focused sensory deprivation opens up all sorts of doors in your head – how often do we stop for quiet contemplation, or just to feel? My life in particular seems to be filled with things that need to be done, and does not seem to contain enough things I just want to do. The “to-do” list always seems to win in my case – I make that list every day and never complete it. I actually write “read” on the list in an effort to make some time to stop, yet that is one thing that absolutely falls off with all of those things that have to be done taking priority.

This year for me has been a roller coaster, both mentally and physically. Right from the very beginning I have questioned what next, and this is still something I do not know the answer to. I have been hospitalised with a ruptured appendix which has knocked me for six and left my health and fitness at an all-time low. I have struggled with feeling depressed, and seem to have spent more time this year feeling low than happy (this can also be an after effect of the anaesthetic). But to be honest, the most challenging aspect of the year so far has been the fact that I do not like to be seen to “complain” about my lot, so don’t want to go on about these things. Right now I am fighting the tendency to apologise to anyone reading this for my being negative. As I lay there today, my mind buzzing with thoughts of what I want to do, and how I would do it two words raced to the forefront of my mind, and I think they are not only the crux of the situation but also the answer – choose happiness.  If this year has taught me only one thing, it is that I need to listen more carefully to the signs. My piles of unread books from the library sit there like a list of intentions. The things I need to focus on are the topics I continually return to – reading, writing, creativity, health, spirituality, happiness, and a job I can feel happy at. But the most important thing is being happy. I believe it is a choice, and one that matters on so many levels. For me largely because I am responsible for the way my children see the world, and the choices they make about how to approach life will begin with the examples they have been set at home.

So, no apologies, except to say that I am sorry this is so long, or possibly that it has taken so long to say. I’ll leave choosing the which up to you.

choose happiness

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About little minx

It's a rainy day and in an attempt to slow down and appreciate the little things I have started a blog
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4 Responses to choose happiness

  1. Genevieve says:

    I say good for you: For saying how it is for you. Not enough of us do just that – feel it then say it.
    All I know (and trust me, I have been there and am currently still a little “there”) about feeling depressed: that pile of books? It ain’t nothing. I have a bookshelf and an ever increasing list of things to do, that I just don’t do.
    Just ask yourself one question: Are you doing the things that need to be done rather than doing that things that you want for yourself because you are depressed?
    It’s easier to do those mundane things than it is to do those things that we love to do when we feel flat.
    When you get up in the morning, you need to do a “self check”. Truly plant yourself on the ground and work out what it is that you need to get through that very moment and that very day in time. Work out what it is and do it. Even if it’s a swim at the pool or a coffee in a place away from the regular duties – you have to do it.
    If you head out for 1 hour of every day just for you, that’s roughly 4% of your day. Do it and feel better for it.
    🙂

    • Thank you for your kind and wonderful words Genevieve – it was hard to say, but I had one of those moments of “well it is my personal blog. And you’re so right – 4% of the day is nothing – especially when you get to the end of the day and wonder where it’s all gone to. Thank you for your comment my friend x

  2. Louise says:

    Thank you Joanna for this moving, tearful and somewhat familiar post. Can I say you are not alone? You really are not, for around you such wonderful people, your family. Sometimes I get to the days end and realise the only person I’ve had a conversation with was the checkout lady at the supermarket. And probably out loud, to myself, to perplexed passers by, who I did not notice. When I think I’m having it tough, I remind myself of past times, when I have had worse. And I also try to find something to be grateful for. The greenery around me. The clean air, and such. Things outside myself that some folk never see at all. Then I remember the most wonderful thing, change is the only constant. And you just got to keep on truckin. After all tomorrow is another day! (thank you Scarlett) Hope to meet and discuss over lots of tea, someday in the near future. xoxox

    • Thank you Louise for your beautiful words – it was one of those things that was really hard to hit the “publish” button on, I often tell myself not to blog when I am feeling down or negative, so it was a bit of a leap of faith to “put it out there”. I’m so thrilled to know that others appreciate the honesty and recognise the sentiments. I hope to sit with you and a pot of tea sometime soon too. Thank you for being a friend xx

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